This idiotic madness that ensues because we don’t just fucking TALK.
I don’t demand much. I love giving when I’m with someone. I really fucking enjoy it. I love losing myself in beautiful moments, I love cooking and having someone truly appreciate my cooking (‘that made me feel like a million bucks’, ‘truly a perfect meal’, ‘I’m not even trying to be polite so you’d still go to bed with me, that was fucking delicious’), I love listening and being the ear or shoulder that someone needs. I love giving.
But all I ask, simply is that it is an even trade. Don’t take advantage of me.
You have to also, you know, keep me in the loop. Let me know what’s down and what’s not. How you feel, etc. It’s infuriating how when I finally feel the power to be like ‘NO, I’m not letting this silence go on and I’m going to stand up for myself’, that’s when shit supposedly gets ‘weird’ or ‘complicated’. I deserve that at the VERY LEAST, but it’s too much to ask?! Really? Fucking god, it’s like you don’t want me to fucking care.
I’m still so mad about it. Because it cost me the trust I had in him, the joy in our relationship, some tears shed that hurt so much to cry, and because it’s not that hard to comply with.
And I’m not one of those high maintenance bitches saying, “I NEED MY MAN TO BE CONTACTING ME ALL DAY, EVERYDAY, NO MATTER WHAT. HE NEEDS TO BE AT MY BECK AND CALL LIKE WHAAAAAAT.”
I’m just trying to understand how, after not hearing from you for three days, sending you just a few texts asking whats up, when I finally hear from you after you got wasted with your boy that past night things got a little too relatonshipy.
You fucking said relationshipy.
Don’t get me wrong, I still dig the shit out of you, but I fucking un-dig this.
I’M JUST TRYING TO SEE IF YOU’RE GONNA HANG OUT WITH ME THIS WEEKEND YOU STUPID, BEAUTIFUL IDIOT. I’M NOT TRYING TO GET YOU TO PUT A RING ON IT.
bubcdibecjdks.jb gchks gjlka.jiucj ;bdusjn;anklcdsacdssacwMOTHERFUCKER.
Like, I’m mad because this kind of shit always happens. When I finally fall into trust, get comfortable with that rhythm (when there is some healthy kind of rhythm, that is), I get cut and left.
I don’t deserve the shit that people, especially guys, expect me to. Is it because I’m not *conventionally* beautiful?! I’m fucking amazing, I’m shapely, I’ve got tits that can’t quit. I’m a great kisser. I have a libido (TMI) that is just through the rough, always.
I love listening, I love giving, I love having fun and doing amazing shit and drinking good beer.
DEAR GOD, MEN, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?! WHY DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING HELL YOU WANT?!